How do you transfer to being friends with your ex whom you still have feelings for?

-Hot Sauce

Hot Sauce,

The thing is, you should already be friends. You were friends before and during the relationship. I’m not sure how or why your relationship ended. But if you still have feelings for this person you should investigate the cause of your break up. Sometimes we act in fear. Let me rephrase that. We act in fear a lot of the time, especially when it comes to relationships. We bring our history into the mix. Sometimes arguments and/or disagreements are had just because of our past. All of those insecurities and life situations that have made us who we are, they tend to cause friction with our partners insecurities and their life situations. Sometimes that in itself is the issue. It’s not necessarily the relationship it’s things that we’ve been carrying with us for a lifetime. If you feel like I’m not answering your question, you’re right. Reason for that is that my focus is in the last part of your question. You mentioned that you still have feelings for this person. So figure out what steered the two of you to separate. You may find that you can work things out. Love and fear are highly powerful drugs. They affect us in ways that we cannot control sometimes. Relationships live in fields of both love and fear. But if you have found someone that you can happily hold hands with through these things then that relationship is worth further research. Now, if you go through the process of figuring stuff out and find yourself in a place where you cannot be in a relationship with this person any longer, then give yourself time. It takes time to transition back to “friendship”. Allow yourself to go through the emotions at your own pace. There is no timeline, it is never too quick or too long. You live on your own clock. You will probably discover that it may be easier than you think to be “just friends”. If you find that you are having difficulties not being in that relationship role, then figure out what feeling is causing that. Is it longing? Is it that you just don’t want that person in your life anymore? Is it that you cannot not see yourself without that person? You will know what to do then. Trust yourself. I don’t feel hurt coming from this question. If there was no major harm done then communicate with each other. Discuss options. Also, do yourself a favor and just think or meditate over your feelings and why the relationship is no longer.  The answers will trickle down in streams.

Best wishes.

-A.