i have a cousin, and me and her used to be super close… but now things have changed she spends alot of time with her bf which is great and im so happy for her and him, but then i am always working… sometimes i feel like everything has changed and it will never go back to what we had, me and her used to complete each other she was my best friend, then again we were kids and work nor relationships got in the way, alot has happened this year in where i felt lost. i had no one to turn to… i love and miss her but i feel like were growing up and apart. i love the fact that were both grown and are responsible adults but it saddens me to know we rarly see eachother… i guess you can say we got used to eachother growing up that now its different,,, more like when you seperate a kid from his diaper, its hard for him to get used to it not there and they dont know what to do nor where to run… thats how i felt in the beginning but ive come to except the fact that it will no longer be the same. then again, i dont want to except it.. what should i do, ive talked to her about it serveral times, we say we are going to hang out, but it never happens what can you suggest i do?

-jess

 

 

jess,

You shouldn’t view your situation as a kid losing their diaper. That would mean that you were temporarily dependent on the diaper (your cousin). It also makes your cousin disposable. Changing your mindset about your situation might allow for you to get a new perspective on things and perhaps find a new approach towards your cousin. If you want to use a metaphor (something that I personally enjoy quite often, Ha!), then perhaps use your skin. Your skin has changed throughout the years, it’s gone through a lot, but it will always be your skin. Just like your cousin will always be your cousin. Growing pains are an inevitable part of life. Durability is what it sounds like you and your cousin have. And just like your skin has withstood the test of time, so will your relationship with your cousin. Take some time and think of it from a different perspective. I know that a lot of emotions must have to be involved on both your side as well as your cousin’s side. Try to see if you can come up with a different approach in regards to hanging out. Do something that both of you have always loved doing together. You both should also share the responsibility in regards to the relationship drifting a bit. Otherwise one person ends up with more pain than the other, or both of you end up with a lot of pain each and empty hands at the end of the day otherwise. This next idea may sound corny but the holidays are coming up and it calls for some cheesy advice. See if you can gather up a bunch of pictures of each other throughout the years and try to get together with each other and make a scrapbook or picture album collection of sorts. It will be a good reminder of all of the great and important times you have been there for each other. You can either then keep the books for yourselves or give them to your respective Moms as a holiday present. Family is strong; don’t lose that with each other. Like I said, the holidays are approaching. This would be a perfect time to strengthen your relationship together. Hope it all works out!

-A.